F the B.I.

Greetings fellow radicals and anarchists! Did everyone remember to bring their molotov cocktails, surface-to-air missiles, super-duper-automatic machine guns that never run out of ammo, and a healthy snack?

Question: after reading the statement above, how many of you know that I'm joking? All of you?! Wow, that's great - because nobody at the FBI is in on the joke at all.
An article in Newsweek, which I frankly didn't know still existed, is detailing the FBI's new definitions of potential terrorists who absolutely deserve the agency's highest attention (and detention) for espousing the "wrong" socio-political views. Hint: if you ever voted for Donald Trump, you're already a terrorist! Aloha Snackbar!

So what, other than blatant corruption and a craze for power that would make the SS blush, has got the FBI's knickers in such a twist? Let's hear from some of the people supposedly holding the agency's leash:

"Donald Trump and MAGA Republicans are a threat to the very soul of this country," according to Hunter Biden's mentally deteriorating meal ticket.

Homeland Security Advisor Liz Sherwood-Randall proclaims "the use of violence to pursue political ends is a profound threat to our public safety and national security. It is a threat to our national identity, our values, our norms, our rule of law - our democracy." And are MAGA Republicans using such violence? Can we get examples? Hmm? Shut up, terrorist, and don't ask questions.

Supreme Court washout and current lickspittle Attorney General Merrick Garland states "attacks by domestic terrorists are attacks on all of us collectively, aimed at rending the fabric of our democratic society and driving us apart." Again, Garland seems to be skipping the part where we've actually been besieged with attacks by domestic terrorists. Well, other than BLM, Antifa, and Occupy Wallstreet.

Still, all of these entirely fictitious accusations have been justification enough for the FBI to put you and me in their crosshairs officially. And I, for one, am pretty pissed off about it. We're not only being personally targeted for hatred and government-sanctioned persecution, we're also being pushed away from being able to participate in real elections (hint: if The State puts your candidate in jail for no reason, you aren't voting in a real election).

I wish I had a good way to wrap this up, but I don't. I just have a metric assload of anger and I'm going to have to spend some time thinking about what to do with it.

- Stilton Jarlsberg